It's difficult sometimes in this job to get the right balance in rating restaurants and cafes, especially when location can be such a contributing factor in making this call. A 3 star review in Ponsonby would equal a 5 star review in some of the less cafe-orientated suburbs. But is it really fair to expect the high standards of cafe culture in Auckland to have spread to all the suburban areas?

Well, a cafe is a cafe no matter where it is and some of the best places around aren't even on the main strips. As part of our cafe journey, my girlfriend and I went out west to Icoco in Blockhouse Bay. It's a bit of a drive from the city, but previous jaunts to suburbia have turned up trumps, so we arrived with high hopes. Sadly, they were not met. Icoco does seem to have been outgunned a little by the restaurant next door (and that has a foot for a logo!), and walking in it was reasonably obvious why. This is a true 'multi-coloured chalk on blackboard' style cafe where there is no real theme or attempt at one. The seating is dark and dull, the atmosphere somewhat the same.

The breakfasts aren't expensive - a big breakfast sets you back only $15, but I would have paid an extra $5 if it meant that something... anything on my plate had some kind of flavour. Somehow, and I don't really know how, the chefs at Icoco managed to lose the taste in everything on my plate. The scrambled eggs had no seasoning (and were actually so cooked that they resembled an omelette), the sausages were thin and grey (and Sizzler-esque) and the hash browns were pure packet variety. The only blip on the taste radar were the mushrooms, and even they looked like they were from a tin. The Eggs Benedict continued the dull theme, the hollandaise sauce set firmly to neutral.

The coffee - everyone online seems to go on about the coffee. I could barely taste it. The flat white I ordered was big but tasted almost only of hot milk. The Earl Grey tea arrived in a cute little pot, but was a real menace to pour. It shot over the top of the cup onto an unsuspecting hand three times. Not a happy girlfriend. The service was ok, but nothing special.

The rating may be harsh but we came away so utterly disappointed that I swore I wouldn't leave the inner suburbs again for brunch. Don't worry - I will, I'm just still in a bit of a grump at how dull the experience was. Add an extra star on if you live in the area and don't come into the city. Otherwise, I wouldn't go out of your way to visit Icoco. Just keep driving until you get to Piha.

The details: 569 Blockhouse Bay Road, Blockhouse Bay. (09) 627 4119

A Flat White costs: $4 (medium)

Must Try: Erm... the mushrooms, but that's pushing it.

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