One out of Five stars
Running time: 86 minutes

Badly written, poorly conceived and utterly laugh-free comedy-horror whose idea of wit and invention doesn't extend beyond the nudge nudge, wink wink nature of the title.

What's it all about?
Lesbian Vampire Killers stars James Corden and Mat Horne as perpetual slackers Jimmy and Fletch, who decide to go on a camping holiday after Jimmy gets dumped by his girlfriend (Lucy Gaskell). They wind up in the village of Cragwich and their delight at meeting a van-load of party-happy Swedish girls (including MyAnna Buring as Lotte) quickly turns to horror as they realise that Cragwich is full of bloodthirsty lesbian vampires.

The Bad
With a title like Lesbian Vampire Killers, the least you could expect would be some decent laughs, some comedy gore (like in Shaun of the Dead) and maybe a couple of clever riffs on Hammer Horror movies. Sadly, the film doesn't have any of the above and the writers haven't put any thought or imagination into the plot beyond the lad-mag friendly title – in other words, it's clearly aimed at people who giggle when they hear the word lesbians.

The lack of comedy gore is a huge problem, especially as what they've replaced it with is just plain stupid – there's very little blood and every time a vampire dies, they explode in a mass of white goop. In fact, the film is one missed opportunity after another – for example, Lotte's three gorgeous friends quickly get turned into vampires, but it all happens offscreen! There's also very little in the way of actual nudity or titillation.

The Worst
Corden does his best, as most of the attempts at humour come from his lines undercutting the horror elements. However, even Corden appears to be embarrassed at some of the dialogue and Horne might as well not be in it for all the impact he makes.

Worth seeing?
Ultimately, Lesbian Vampire Killers isn't even as funny or as scary as Carry On Screaming and you can't help wondering what Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright would have done with the same premise. One to avoid.